This week, on the Lifestyles of the Barely Housebroken, we talk to Sparky Chewbacca the Third, heir to the Dog Poop Bag fortune.

How does this puppy, who seems to have everything, choose to spend his days?

“Well, narrator with a pretentious British accent,” began Sparky, “Most days that has even a whisper of sunlight, you shall find me on the veranda.”

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“I so love to sniff in the wind, picking up the faint despair of the humans around me who have to go to work and pay bills. I just laugh, for I am so carefree. Ha ha ha ha!”

“Of course, I am only happy upon the veranda if the door to the main house remains open. If the door is shut, then it is no longer my choice to be outside. It is being forced upon me then – a supreme insult! So I insist on coming inside immediately then. I have supersonic hearing, so even if I’m sound asleep outside, the minute the door shuts I am instantly on my paws and demanding loudly to come inside!”

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“It really pisses me off when they do that.”

“Know what else pisses me off? When a cheesy entertainment TV interviewer and his crew get in the way of my LIGHT! That’s it! This interview is over!”

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